Thursday, August 16, 2018

Being Alone Doesn't Equal Loneliness

Being Alone Doesn't Equal Loneliness

Life is an amazing roller coaster ride of ups and downs that will ultimately influence your perspective and perception of the world. Shy and seemingly awkward youth can blossom into outgoing, confident individuals if the family unit is nurturing and supportive. A gregarious, outgoing child, whose trust in the family unit has collapsed because they have been forced to raise themselves, may turn into a cynical, angry individual.

When people decide to remain alone, they do so for the alternative has been too difficult for them to sustain an emotionally secure and joyful existence. Although it is a natural instinct to desire family, companionship, love, and all that comes with it, for some their mold has been set in a less conventional way. Through no fault of their own, they psychologically and emotionally repel from Hallmark Card limericks and the traditional comforts most individuals aspire to for traditional norms are not a part of their story. 

Starting life on the bench, so to speak, can change a perfect game plan into an endless slideshow of mishaps and barriers they are forever maneuvering around, over, and under in pursuit of the unconditional love and acceptance they have only heard of. A fatigue of the soul and weariness of heart is inevitable and can even manifest early in life.

When a child is excluded from some of life's most precious treasures, both LOVING others and being LOVED by others, they learn to live without it. It seems as if there is a limiter on the heart keeping them from speeding out of control, from accepting and giving more love than they are willing to lose.

We must be vigilant with children concerning the love and attention we share with them; for without it, they are lost. Children left to their own devices will eventually be compelled to make decisions they are unequipped to make. If an animal is left without a parent, it will die. A child will find a way to survive, but it will not know how to live--to enjoy life.

You might think that sad and even pitiful, but, in fact, many do well when left to their own survival instincts and personal skills.  These abilities are more conducive to self-nurturing for they have never experienced parental guidance and rearing so they have no reference for caring for others in a healthy, nurturing way. They have developed a hard fought and honest respect for what one can expect from others when life shows up!

Self-restraint based on their reality, associated with the dangers one will encounter caring and depending on others, allows them the ability to detach before becoming too emotionally vulnerable. It is near impossible to reverse the course for someone who experienced having their life and family snatched away only to be replaced with others in the exact situation they find themselves--the discarded, abandoned, and lonely due to a cornucopia of unpleasant scenarios.

Like a lifesaver to a drowning man, involvement in team sports on a significant level can be an epiphany. This endeavor will hopefully lead to an emotional commitment including love and respect of their peers who they will trust and give their all to without reservation. This experience will open their heart and ability to be vulnerable and, in fact, might be their first experience of unconditional love and family. 

Although this uplifting time in their lives can never be negated, sadly, in other team endeavors in the world of commerce, group enterprises can be so competitive there is little room for camaraderie, nor a soulful connection beyond respect and admiration for their associates abilities, even when extreme mutual success is achieved.

Everything Changes, Yet Remains the Same

With all the love one is fortunate enough to receive throughout their lives, the emptiness of an abandoned child might always question it and, ultimately, push love away. This sickness of the soul contracted as a child has dictated their perception of human beings, specifically the ones they love the most, for they fear being cast aside. They cheat all concerned by giving and accepting only that which they can tolerate losing.

A life infected and affected by an unthinkable act that deprived them of becoming who they could have been, but instead made them who they are, challenges their ability to trust their own feelings. Instead, they need to monitor and retrain those feelings that most would welcome. The older they become, the clearer it is how emotionally compromised they are in matters of the heart. Yet, they still remain eager to share all they have with their family.

Living alone requires a fast learning curve. Relying on oneself for all that is necessary to sustain a healthy physical, mental, and spiritual life is relentless if you desire to live a good quality of life. The inner strength one develops having to care and rely on themselves accords them great comfort in times of solitude and the ability to be happy living alone.

To be clear, children and family are the link to a fulfilling life, for they reinforce the understanding that we all desire and need deep emotional bonds with the people that will always love and cherish us. Living alone does not equal loneliness in part because the family is a welcome reprise from the chaos accompanying working and living in society.

Forever Grateful

Neither searching nor longing for an opportunity in which to feel safe and willing to embrace and love others unconditionally, it happened. While going about business as usual with several other cohorts and peers, a spiritually, cohesive family was born!

Being the most physically compromised, and needing assistance provided by his life partner, it was obvious how many of the group consistently took the time to assist in making it possible for life to go on. This physically challenged, but willing man, continues doing what he loved! 

At times, it takes a village to pull it off, but the help is there night in and night out! They understand that this is not a broken man, but a man who had been broke many times, always getting up and moving forward with an excitement for life and gratitude to be in the game once again.

It is my feeling each child born into this world is a God-given opportunity for the world to be changed in a positive and profound way. What that child must encounter to achieve this goal only God knows.
--Chuck Negron


  1. Chuck, Thank you for sharing. This article really hit home, especially the sentence "It seems as if there is a limiter on the heart keeping them from speeding out of control, from accepting and giving more love than they are willing to lose." I didn't realize how tight the limiter on my heart was until I read that sentence. Thank you for giving me an insight to myself that I can now try to heal.

  2. Sounds like me! Incredibly thought out and spot on.We creative people often dont like hanging out in bars/ clubs and overcrowded places.It has nothing to do with being lonely.We just want to be with people were comfortable with.

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  4. Thank you for continuing to be an inspiration. God Bless You.

  5. Beautifully written, truly you know...So, this is a question; your band was in Germany, on Tour, in 1972, and i think we met (i was a 10 year old kid) do you want to know this story? i still have the Poster. of course i was too young to find the venue much less get in to see your show, but [They] had us singing your song "Joy to the World" on Base, Military School (PS There is more to this very surreal story... all these years later i still remember "rainbow suspenders" platform shoes & dark eyes & hair & a smooth kinda fast American (not german) accent. I'm pretty sure it was you!) Wow, Blessings!!!

  6. I just came across your website this weekend (while writing my own set of memoir musings) and I can't begin to tell you how much your eloquent and heartfelt words affected me. Thank you for sharing this ever-evolving journey in writing, music, family, love and your own spirit. Definitely.....rock on!

  7. Hello Chuck:
    I am planning to buy your book. Your recovery story breaks my heart.. You still singing with only one lung.. A miracle of your Creater, I believe. It encourages me to work with others as I have been given the gift of recovery and there are many who need a light in their lives.
    You are a highly talented singer. I feel so much when I watch older videos of 3 dog night. Cory was amazing.. Sang from so deep in his soul.. I hope and pray he is peaceful in Heaven
    Charlotte, NC